♥ Sweetie your sadly mistaken ♥

I made a mistakeThat I can never takeBack and changeMakes me derangedSo much harmI caused on my armI hate that I can’t stopAnd just dropThe knifeThat almost ended my lifeThis darkness insideHasn’t diedDown at allMaking my heart fallFrom the painInside my brainI sit in the darkHiding the markI promise my friendsIt will endThat dayBut what I sayIsn’t what I meanThis pain keeps me cleanOf drugs and drinksNobody thinksAbout that anyJust about the manyScars on my bodyThis helps meI can’t stop itI’ll just sitHidden awayFor the rest of my dayI won’t make another mistakeAs long as I don’t awake

I am split between two I love one more than you but I love my wrist more than Peter but my emotions more than Ryan when you yell ay me is every slit and split wrist I get is when I turn for you but it never seems to fail and nor do I cry. When I call you you answer the phone with a hello baby and my bleeding stops but the tears roll down like back in February of last year when your mom died and we both cryed but never did we think of that cold shinny silver move slowly acrossed an uncarved unscared emotionless swipe and all hell comes pouring in. But there was that one time when your best friend took it from me and you didn't talk to me like it was my fault we were all drunk and yet I pay for it but yet when ever he called I came never thinking it hurt so much to watch you watch mem but when I walked in and you wernt thinking I cryed and pleaded and you said you loved me but it hurt me even more. How many scares did I leave you?? When you some over my wrists hurt but I can't help but love you. When it is all said and down I feel at home when I lay in your arms at night. But when I ask about her you never stop talking about her. Do you ever talk to her about me or does she know. Does the fame game eat your heart????? Can you tell that I still love you and I miss you?????



A bloody braclet around my arm carved in it my lucky charm

share with me ,care with me, tell me your dreamsdont worry or hold backjust let your mind at easeim not here to judge you or to make fundeep down i feel a sparkan incredible onealthough we dont know eachtoher very wellthere is something between us and we can both tellsomeone to talk to and get it all outwhenever i hear this song its you i think aboutthis might sound crazyit might sound naivebut these sparks can grow into a fireif we both believei know we are both scaredi dont know what ofbut lets dive inand take a chance on love

Ill paint you a pretty picture but there's just one twist the paintbrush is a knife and the paper is my wrist ill draw you a pretty picture it might be a sin the sketch is made of blood and the paper is made of skin ill write down a pretty peom anf this is what ill do I will fill it full of pain and send it straight to you ill mold you a pretty sculpture make it of a heart ill make it out of me and hope it falls apart ill send you a pretty pckage but there a trick you'll see I fill it full of pieces and the pieces are of me.

As I laid motionless,my mind busy debating,Thinking if its the right time,or if I should continue waiting.He doesn’t know what I really am,I never told him, let him believe what he thought,now here I am, sad lonely scared and distraught.He grins at me, in turn I half smiled,he doesn’t know the innocence he is about to defile,He parts my legs and I give a little whimper,he thinks I’m enjoying myself there is no differ.As soon as he penetrates pain enters as well,In this exact moment, I am in hell.Every thrust brings a new kind of pain,But I tough it out, I don’t complain.My insides are tearing,My eyes are watering,My heart pounds fast,Feels like its going to pound straight through out of my chest.He’s almost done thank god, please put this to an end.I’m scarred for life, this pain he could never comprehend.I set out to give what was taken with out a second thought,If only he knew the suffering his love making brought.Now he’s done he rolls over and sighs,I look at him, send him a smile tainted with lies.I go home take a shower but I’m still dirty,I did this to myself no one else hurt me.Now I am in my own bed tears in eyes,I lay down my head and I begin to cry.

when life itself seem lunatic who know where madness lies? Perhaps to be too practical is maddness. To surrender dreams-this maybe madness. To seek treasure where there is only trash. Too much Sanity may be madness. And the maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be...
As you see her in her fairy tale life with that person you have eyes and she knows that and she shows it to. He still talks to you and say I love you and she knows it and she shows you torment every second she gets. When he spends the night and it rings like of her sent but he tells you he loves you and your set. But when morning comes there's a note that reads.
"Sometimes I wonder if anybody would notice if I just slipped away never to return? I wonder if anybody would be able to take time out of there busy schedule to notice I wasn't there? I wounder if anybody would be able to say that they new me so well or at all enough to answer every question I spit at them? I wonder if the softest voice just to a whisper says you've lost your self inside lies,pain,and scares self inflected? I am all yours baby I love you"
Just to remind you it seems your always the second in every relationship never seems to be the first she never finds out about you unless he blurts but remember you don't know about it untell she punches in into your face???? To wake up and find his name carved into you arm...what does that mean???

She had always liked him But never truly knew why He never talked to her His friends had made her cry
She smiled at him in the hall He just turned his head He did not care about her Is what he always said
But she kept her chin up And she loved him still Because she knew what was inside A hole that she could fill
His friends soon caught word Of her feelings toward him They found it hysterical But her love did not dim
She knew that she was better Than what they thought she was But still her heart was his For reasons she knew not of
She slowly became more forlorn Slipping deep into a hole He was still ignoring her Breaking her delicate soul
But her love did not falter She always thought of him But all the rumors about her Put her closer to the brim
On the final day His friends played a trick Told her that he loved her Just to watch her tick
Sadly she believed them And she was overjoyed Little did she know That it was all a ploy
She went up to him To make sure that he knew That she knew how he felt And that she loved him too
He did not understand So all he did was stare Telling her repeatedly That he really did not care
She was finally over the edge She knew it could not be true I thought they said he loved her But deep inside she knew
She could not comprehend How to go on living her life So she went in to the kitchen Pulled out the sharpest knife
She screamed into the air This is not how it should be She screamed all the things That she wished that he would see
She spoke of her love She cried of her pain She whispered of what happened How it could never be the same
And with her last strength She scribbled her final note She explained everything And this is what she wrote:
Take the shining knife, And cut open my wrists Watch the blood flow out It couldve ended with a kiss
Take the bloody knife Write words into my skin Tell me that you hate me Make the pain begin Take the knife and hold it up So that everyone can see That this is the pain You were always causing me
She watched the blood pour out Collapsing on the floor Little did she know That he was at the door
He did not get an answer As he screamed her name He told her he was sorry What he said was really lame
He did not want to give up He wanted her to know That he really did like her Just did not let it show
He did not care about his friends They were not his anymore So please, wont you please Just open the damn door
He walked to the window Saw her lying there He pounded on the glass Crying in despair
He broke through the glass And knelt down on the floor Looking at the girl He had always adored
Desperately calling for help She was still alive He tried to bandage wounds Please God let her survive
He held her so close As the ambulance drew near I really do love you He whispered in her ear.
Please dont give up I'll try to help you through We will make it work You know I love you too.

if do add me myYearbook.com/Buster19

 

 

thanks i hope that works??????

let me know if it doesnt??????????

Well it really isn't new it is the deluxe edition oh yeah no but it has two new songs it came out today and yes as always I got it today it is freaking awsome I love it the songs are G.I.N.A.S.F.S and It's hard to say I do when I don't it even has live tracks from a concert in. Hammersmith Palais, London Dance,Dance This aint a scence its an arms race and thriller if you don't have it you should get it!!!!!!



Kat, sierra, brittnee, and Carmen I miss you so much I wish I could be home for thankgiving???


Happy thanksgiving everybody hope all is well for anybody that reads this.
Please leave a comment so I know that still talk to me I really feel small right now thanks??!!!

Sorry please just send messages thanx-Rachel

So I am here in Idaho don't get me started but yeah I am setting in the car right now and out of nowhere a gust of wind comes what feels like 90 miles or so fast and it STARTS ROCKING THE CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! My dog Buster starts freaking out here it goes again shackimg the car and again and now there is thunder and lightning and cop cars just ZOOM by about 6 or 7 of them I look inside this skool as I set here and there is a babys face looking at me....FREAKY!!!!! So I just am setting here in front of Mullan skool waiting wish. I could go home!!!!! I miss you summer can't come soon enogh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I miss and love you not I minute goes by that I don't think of you if only I could go home and see all of your so loving faces maybe I could be happy again Idaho is okay somewhere I myself don't plan to stay but that is someday just don't forget about the little person that thinks of you always and that never forgets any faces to the people that I know I couldn't have made it out without I miss you guys I will be seeing you if only in my dreams as I hope I am in yours???????? I love and miss you all in hope that we don't fall love Rachel <3

I messages are not working please leave me comments please I hate my moms fucking phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!